An Open Letter to the British

Posted by Gary Geck on August 6th, 2010

Someone sent me this great piece (“John Cleese’s Open Letter to Americans”). I love it and it’s very well written.  But we Americans are an easy target…I would like to issue an open letter to the British [and yes I know it wasn’t really John Cleese’s work but it’s attributed to him mythologically.  It does have its origins in the UK though]:

1. Stop dividing nations by distracting the populace with emotionally charged bi-polarizing disputes while you quietly step in and take all of their capital/resources.  I’m not sure who is behind it, but now someone has used your old trick to divide Americans between Democrats and Republicans, meanwhile both parties push the real agenda through together slapping each other on the back and sharing a cigar together behind closed doors…many of the points “Cleese” criticizes are a direct result of Americans falling for this old trick, but sure, it’s our fault for falling for it…

2. Embrace theory over practice.  Mathematics stands on its own legs, it doesn’t need real world applications to justify itself.  Stop trying to eradicate metaphysics. Don’t be embarrassed by it because science is grounded in metaphysics whether we like it or not…all projects to eradicate metaphysics have failed, so accept it. In the US we’ve inherited your intellectual tradition because we don’t speak any other languages, so now we’re stuck being just as pragmatic and materialistic as you are…meanwhile the Germans (and I agree with you on German cars) lead both of us in math and engineering because they value pure solid theory over applications. While we’re stuck trying to picture things using geometry, they are using N-dimensional manifolds algebraically. Embrace the pure, bodyless concept.

3. Isaac Newton was kind of a dick.   Stop calling him “that immortal Saint and God of all Science that ever was and will ever will be”.  He was a proven trickster and one of the meanest people in history.  That guy hasn’t been right since being hit in the head with an apple…His research on Solomon’s temple and the apocalypse was way off…

4. When Wolfgang Pauli said that “the children need their pictures”, he was talking about your kind…ouch!  If you followed #2 above this wouldn’t be a problem.  If the physical universe can’t even be imagined using geometry, then higher concepts certainly can’t either…

5. Stop replacing Dr. Who.  Just when one of them starts to grow on you, they take him away and replace him by some young whipper snapper with much less curly hair.  🙁

6. Replace Oxford with Cambridge 2.

7. Your accents are great but sometimes you start believing yourselves because it just sounds so good… Read Plato’s “Sophist” dialogue to keep yourself in check, but don’t lose those accents…

If the British followed those 7 simple steps, the UK would be the greatest place on Earth…God save the Queen!

One Response to “An Open Letter to the British”

  1. IFuCkFaG4Pleasurz

    This is the gay… You’re a homo… fag… Fuck me in the raw dawg.

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